A problem of solitude

Posted by Lynsey May on

So, writing stories, it takes a lot of time, doesn’t it? Normally, a lot of time all on your own, thinking hard and scribbling away. A lot of time when you may not be actually, physically speaking to or making contact with very many people at all. When I first decided to give up my day job, I looked at all that time, and I laughed in its face.

Ha, I said. I love spending time on my own. Books and words will fill the gap fine, and when I’m not chained to my desk writing freelance articles or editing the same sentence over and over again, I’ll head out to spend time with the people I really care about. Perfect, I said, you won’t catch me complaining.

So now that I’m starting to question just how easy it is to deal with daily solitude, I can’t help thinking it serves me right, really.

On a day by day basis, it’s totally fine. I get loads more work done than I did when I was in an office or working at a cinema and I generally seem to be able to tick along fine. But on Sunday I was reading at the lovely Illicit Ink, one of my favourite spoken word events, and I noticed something – I was super nervous.

I mean, I always feel a bit sick before a reading, that’s not unusual. But I was at least three times as nervous as the last time I read, which was less than a month ago, and way more nervous than I was at the end of last year, where I was pretty much raring to get up on stage.

After worrying a little about the Rescue Remedy I was squirting into my mouth, I started to wonder if it wasn’t just the reading I was fractious about – but the fact there would be OTHER PEOPLE there. More people than I’ve spoken to in ages, seeing as most days, the only person I actually physically speak to is my OH.

I hadn’t considered this as a potential problem with my suddenly rather solitary existence, but it’s probably one worth working on. Unless I can just start doing readings remotely, via Skype or something.

Writing thing that wasn’t exactly a holiday

Posted by Lynsey May on

The "holiday" desk

You know what I did the other week? I went on holiday on my own or the very first time. Well, I say holiday, but really I mean ‘time spent writing, reading or having a second bath of the day telling myself I should be writing’. It was lovely.

It’s one of those things I’ve always wanted to do but always been too scared to. What if you pay stupid money for a week to yourself and write NOTHING? See, scary biscuits. But hey, if now isn’t the time to try out stuff like that (what with the freelancing and all) I don’t know when is.

Turns out, I did do a bunch of writing, but I think it helped that I spent the time working on something that was already quite substantial. Having to come up with new stuff out of the blue in a relatively short space of time might have been a bit daunting.

For that, I think I’d prefer a communal environment, rather rattling round on my own for a week (how happy am I that I stayed sane despite only having one conversation for the whole time I was away?). So next on the list? Arvon I reckon, anyone been on one? Did you love it?

The Freaks are unleashed

Posted by Lynsey May on

I have been looking forward to the release of Freaks for some time, and now the day is finally here.

A collection of short fiction by the lovely Nik Perring and Caroline Smailes with illustrations by Darren Craske it looks to be a treat to my story and comic loving self.

So I’m super happy to have this little sneak peak of some of the wonders inside…….

Invisible 

[Super Power: The ability to make oneself unseen to the naked eye]

 

If I stay totally still,

if I stand right tall,

with me back against the school wall,

close to the science room’s window,

with me feet together,

pointing straight,

aiming forward,

if I make me hands into tight fists,

make me arms dead straight,

 if I push me arms into me sides,

if I squeeze me thighs,

stop me wee,

if me belly doesn’t shake,

if me boobs don’t wobble,

if I close me eyes tight,

so tight that it makes me whole face scrunch,

if I push me lips into me mouth,

if I make me teeth bite me lips together,

if I hardly breathe,

if I don’t say a word.

Then,

I’ll magic meself invisible,

and them lasses will leave me alone.

Rolling with the punches freelance style

Posted by Lynsey May on

By nature, I’m a routine driven kind of girl. I’m not saying I can’t deviate from the plans every now and then, but overall I find it easier when I have some idea of what’s coming ahead. I don’t know about you, but if it’s a workday, I want time to get into the mindset, and if it’s a day off, I want to be able to savour the thought of it beforehand. I do not hate a little forward planning now and then (although the big stuff, the life planning stuff, that can take a running jump).

Routine desk style

So the thing about the kind of life I’m leading at the moment, is that it’s not a very forward planning kind of life. Predicting when I’ll need to work and when I won’t is tough, because it’s not controlled by a pay check but is instead at the behest of clients, and we all know the fits of whimsy they are susceptible to.

Then there’s the real reason I gave up a full time job, because I wanted to be available to take chances on and enjoy things I wouldn’t when I was tied to someone else’s hours. While this freedom is wonderful, it goes against my natural inclinations pretty strongly. Sometimes I find myself tussling over how great and experience will be and how much it’s going to disturb my made up routine.

When the sense of adventure wins, it’s more than worth it. The other week, Fin and I went to see two shows on relatively short notice – The Bone Yard and 2401 Narratives which were both grand in very different ways. Then there was an already planned visit to Literary Death Match, a last minute decision to travel through for the always excellent Words Per Minute – all shows well worth re-jigging plans for.

But the thing that got me musing on his topic is really the way my plans have shifted in the last 24 hours – in which I agreed to help set up a short story event, fill in a last minute slot reading at Nights at the Circus tomorrow and attend a fabulous looking scientific creative writing workshop run by the delightful Tania Hershman on Friday morning. All of which I wouldn’t have been able to do this time last year, what a lucky SOB I feel at the moment.

Rolling with the punches might not always be the easiest, but damn does it help you get the best out of freelance life. If you see my whinging about my plans being upset, please do feel free to kick me in the shins.

Bad morning habits of a freelance writer

Posted by Lynsey May on

    1. Check emails before getting out of bed or even opening eyes properly.

    2. Close eyes again in a huff when emails are all spam related/have a little cry when they contain rejections.

    3. Tell self you will work on your novel/short stories/sonnets before anything else, instantly check work emails.

    4. Spend four hours writing about insurance/pets/holidays to earn a small amount of money.

    5. Take frequent coffee breaks but forget to eat proper breakfast.

    6. Get around to opening your creative files.

    7. Stare at them in despair.

    8. Realise you missed breakfast and eat whatever unsuitable handful of biscuits you can scrounge.

    9. Return to computer and find yourself writing about insurance/pets/holidays again.

    10. Decide you need a change of scenery. Comfort yourself for your lack of creative work with a large cake in your favourite café. Tell self it’s too late in the day to start writing your opus anyway, better to get a fresh start the next morning.

You mean I can’t check my emails on holiday?

Posted by Lynsey May on

In recent years, Fin and I have noticed how difficult it is to have an actual holiday. You know, the kind where you just kick back and relax. We’re always thinking about, well, stuff. Emails to answer, stories to plot, articles to write, people to worry about: all those things, all the time. I’m especially guilty, I check messages on my phone compulsively, as though I could find an email there that will end the world if I don’t answer it immediately. Ridiculous.

So with this habit in mind, I wondered how well I would get on during our short holiday on the coast, staying in a fabulous cottage from The Creative Retreat folks that not only had no net connection, but also no mobile reception or even a landline. Surprisingly well, it turned out.

The cottage was lovely, the village beautiful, the weather rough but forgiving and the peace very welcome. Putting myself on call constantly doesn’t normally feel as though it’s bothering me, but I have this feeling that, maybe if I didn’t, I might just be a little bit happier and get a hell of a lot more writing done.

I can’t wait for our next holiday.

Where does your imagination reside?

Posted by Lynsey May on

Source: http://archann.deviantart.com/

This year, I am making a conscious effort to reawaken a sense of curiosity and do things that spark my imagination. It’s something I suppose I have been putting off for some time, because I guess I liked to think that I already possessed these qualities.

But now that I have more time to ponder and daydream, I’ve been forced to admit that they are not as strong as they once were and that I am more naturally inclined to think about, well, boring stuff when given half the chance.

Is this a symptom of getting older or does it have something to do with letting myself live a life that is ruled by deadlines and making enough money? I also wonder how much of it is just plain old laziness. Why imagine things when someone else could do it for me? (I do love it when someone else does it for me.)

As part of this project, I’m trying to work out exactly what it is that is most likely to persuade my imagination into a flight of fancy. I’m reading loads, going to exhibitions, restricting the watching of TV shows and generally trying to not check the emails on my phone every five minutes.

Me as a wee 'un

But am I missing something here? Is there anything you do to shake your mind out of the mundane?

I recently wrote a guest post for the lovely Kirsty Logan for her Thievery series – posts about the inspiration behind stories – and I enjoyed the process a lot, mainly because it encouraged me to recall some childhood holidays I hadn’t thought about for a long while.

Hurrah for Love your Library Day

Posted by Lynsey May on

I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day, too much of an excuse for forced decelerations of the kind of love I’d rather see seeping through in the day to day, so I’m chuffed to bits with the idea of a Feb day to pledge your adoration for libraries instead.

This year, Midlothian libraries are celebrating Love your Library Day on the 4th of February with a program of comedy, readings and gigs, all taking place in local libraries. With support from comedians like Frankie Boyle and Miles Jupp, popular Edinburgh bands and, of course, plenty of authors, it should be a great day to remember how much libraries mean to us all. Check out the Midlothian Libraries’ press release to find out what’s happening in a library near you.

Since deciding to freelance it up, I’ve spent a lot more time in my two local libraries in the last three months than in the 10 years before that, and I am amazed by the big mix of people that seem to spend a lot of time there. Sometimes I have to fight for a seat, once I got told off for accidentally sitting in the area reserved for teenagers and today I witnessed a rather elderly gentleman use the computer to check out the alluring yet badly formatted profiles of some ladies from Asia.

True, we all might get something a little different from our trips to the library, but whether it’s the chance to dream about an alternative and unlikely future or to become submerged in a story about the past, it’s very lucky we have somewhere to do it.

I am especially pleased that this year, I’ll be reading some stories in Penicuik Library along with the lovely ladies from my Leith writer’s group. This is the library my mum works in and the one that my little brothers go to, so it’s one I’m really looking forward to sharing a few words in.

Forget about flowers, chocolates and overpriced tat, show your love for your library with wonderful words and sounds this February.

What are you reading this Christmas?

Posted by Lynsey May on

The boy’s birthday weekend is over, and it was lovely. He liked his presents, we met up with loads of friends and family and watched a few movies. I fell behind a little on work, hence a hellish number of pages to get through at the beginning of this week, but everything should be back on an even keel soon. And there’s something to look forward too – all that extra reading you get to do over Christmas!

When I was young and completely unable to sleep, I went through a phase of reading the whole of a Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve. I think that only lasted for about three years, but it was a good time while it lasted, and it’s a book that now has a particularly special place in my heart.

Now, I still sometimes find it hard to sleep before Christmas (so grown up), so I need to make sure I have an extra interesting book in my pile to keep me quiet while I’m back in the family home and everyone else is sleeping. Then there’s Christmas day itself, where I’m bound to get at least one or two books, and even if I don’t I can guarantee someone in my family will, taking care of spare hours on the day itself and boxing day. And the quiet day where you go back to your own home after being caught up in a whirlwind of family? Perfect time to snuggle in with yet another book.

I’ve just finished re-reading The Stone Diaries and Zoe Heller’s Everything You Know (rewards because I read a few books I didn’t enjoy so much recently) and Jennifer Egan’s Goon Squad blew me away. Now I have a stack of books donated by Fin’s folks to get stuck into but I’m definitely taking Anton Chekhov’s A Russian Affair with me for the night before Christmas in all of its Penguin Great Loves beauty. What are you reading? Do you have a traditional ‘Christmas Book’?