Office survival tips for writers, dreamers and creative control freaks #2

The office wants to suck away your soul, don’t let it. Keep your mind occupied with the alternative list of stuff to do when you should be working.

4. Plan your escape routes. Sometimes the only thing that can make staying in one place bearable, is working out how you would remove yourself from that place if you had to. Also, planning how you’d escape from a zombie invasion is an enjoyable pastime wherever you are.

If you’re stuck in an office it’s likely you’ll feel as though the zombies are closing in anyway, they just want to mush your brain with spreadsheets and inane questions rather than actually eat them.

While away a few hours trying to work out if you’d be able to create a grappling hook from a broken umbrella and a rope out of all the discarded scarves in the cloakroom or determine how many days you’d be able to survive in the office attic on the packet of biscuits hidden in your desk drawer.

5. Swap the biscuits/tea bags. If it’s a particularly bad day, you might want to go into the kitchen and create some mild chaos. You know how funny we all get about our little routines and habits when we have nothing better to think about? Try upsetting everyone else’s for a change by sneaking into the kitchen early and swapping the biscuits and teabags inside the packets. Then you can sit back and spy on the caffeine deprived, confused faces of your co-workers.

‘It doesn’t LOOK like a digestive…’ ‘This tea bags smells minty, doesn’t it smell minty to you?’ ‘Oh man, I am so hyper, it’s like I had real coffee and not decaf, what’s up with that?’

Don’t do this too often though, the risk of getting caught is fairly high.

6. Find online games you can minimise easily. These days, most office drones have access to a computer. If you’re lucky enough to also have unrestricted access to the internet, rejoice, you’ll find plenty of online games out there that will kill the hours and you’ll probably find yourself addicted to one as quickly as you can say ‘repetitive strain injury’, giving you that extra little push to get to your desk in the morning.

Make sure you don’t choose ones that can’t be easily minimised though, this only works as a covert operation. To the same end, don’t play games on your social networking sites – chances are someone you know at work can see them. If you aren’t lucky enough to have the net, there’s always old school computer solitaire or, if that’s not an option, paper clip tiddlywinks – how many can you get in your coffee cup?

Not enough to help you save your sanity? Check out potential time wasting instalment one at – Office survival tips for writers, dreamers and creative control freaks #1. Don’t let the desk monkeys get you!

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12 responses to “Office survival tips for writers, dreamers and creative control freaks #2

  1. I liked this! Planning escape routes in case of a zombie related emergency is something I apply to my life in such a degree it’s not funny anymore. I guess it’s one of the drawbacks with writing zombie-fiction.

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  2. Very very funny. When I worked for the man (damn the man) I used to swap the coffee sachets in the different containers. This is great because people don’t even check what they are putting in their mugs because it has all become such a routine to them. It is extremely funny watching a double decaf office worker unknowingly have a double strength coffee and then proceed to tear the office apart, shaking and sweating and babbling on uncontrolably.

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  3. I TOTALLY did the zombie thing at B*M. And foreverhome. And everywhere, in general. B*M was always a toughie what with the two exits being next to each other and a high difficulty in getting to the roofspace. And now the locks on those doors inside which I couldn’t remember the number of would be a killer to me rather than a help.

    Bad times.

    Also ha at the swapping biscuits and tea thing. Fix yer typo cos it took me a min to work out what you meant (you wrote sapping biscuits, I thought you just meant eating them all…) but I think you should do that. Today.

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  4. My workspace is so poorly defended against the Z Threat that it’s best I don’t think about it, grouind floor, lots of windows and exits… my only saving grace is that I’m really close to my own home with its stores of weapons and tinned food. I wonder if I could keep a shotgun or katana at my desk without getting in trouble….

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    • well, you could try saying you keep them for decorative purposes? or strap something uder your chair, easy to grab should the zombie attack but less likely to get you sacked..

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  5. Haha # 5 is my favorite- I could picture the hyper coworker not being able to stop talking 🙂
    “paper clip tiddlywinks – how many can you get in your coffee cup?” The things we do to avoid our daily jobs!
    Can’t wait for part 3- I’m so addicted to this list 🙂

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