If I were another kind of writer…

I’ve been working pretty hard on various projects recently, although never as hard as the little squeaky bastard in my head thinks I should, and I have to say that I’m pretty sick of it.

I’m not one of those people who ‘just love’ writing, who sit down at their desk excited to dive in and get lost in some kind of word-induced trance. Nope, I’m the other kind; the kind who gets all angsty, who can only write a few hundred words at a time and who spends half her time trying to get away from them.

Sometimes, being the way I am, I think that I’m not really suited to the writer’s life (what did I know when I was six and decided that’s what I wanted anyway?), but the real kicker is that whenever I’m not writing – I feel guilty. Do you think that’d ease off if I stopped? Could I even stop?

Writing for me is like the bad boy you suspect you should get away from, but who you let slip under the covers every night anyway. It’s the cigarettes you know are disgusting, but that have somehow become tied in with a cool and glamorous version of yourself you want to believe in. It’s something where there are no last chances, just harder hills to climb.

Which kind of writer are you? Do you ever wish you could hang up your pencil? Or are you always glad it’s there?

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6 responses to “If I were another kind of writer…

  1. I’m like you – it causes me a fair amount of angst. If I have a great writing day I feel all healthy and invigorated, but the next day I’ll be cringing looking at what I’ve written.

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    • oh man, THAT feeling. Why is it that the invigoration is always so good we put ourselves through the horribleness of the next day over and over again? Oh well, I guess for the same reason I’ve never given up drinking – despite some cracking hangovers!

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  2. ha! I think I’m your kind of a writer as well, unfortunately! You don’t know me but I’ve just read your story in the summer Stinging Fly, and because I am right now trying to find ways in which to distract myself from writing, I thought I’d just check out your site. Anyway – I really enjoyed the story, although for the first two paragraphs I was thinking ‘not sure if i can hack this scot-speak right through to the last page’ but then I just got into in and was totally compelled! I like how the bawdy male character has his bawdiness steadily chipped at as the story goes on. It’s certainly the one I’ve enjoyed most so far, and I guess I’m kinda reading them in general order. I’m not anybody who is anybody or anything, but just thought I’d say congrats 🙂

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    • Thanks Sara! Yeah, I find writing in scots a tricky one and I’m really glad it didn’t just turn you off. I remember being in high school and not being able to work out what everything in Trainspotting meant, and I’m bloody Scottish.

      I had a look at your site, some really nice things on there. I particularly like the drawings. thanks for stopping by 🙂

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  3. Hmmm…I never wanted to be a writer. I didn’t want to spend my life sitting inside, eyes locked on a computer screen, getting fat and hunched while I recorded or invented lives instead of actually living a life of my own.

    But. I can’t seem to stop. I can’t seem to choose another career, I can’t ignore my passion for it. I imagine you need it too.

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